So here we are.  Black women.  Embracing our natural kinks, curls, and coils. FINALLY! We have the information we need.  We have the support from each other.  We have the confidence to strut with our hair held high.  And YES…we have PRODUCTS!!!!!  That will work on our hair!  YAY!  Um…no.  The products that were finally made for us, by us are dun dun dun …too damn expensive! And, I don’t understand why!

Listen, I’m not a business owner so maybe there’s some sort of reasoning behind the high price points that I’ve witnessed with these products.  From my point of view, I just. don’t. get it.  Why is a 8oz jar of a mixture of butters $29?????  Where is the justification? And then to make matters worse…if I RELUCTANTLY decide to buy said $29 jar and my hair doesn’t like it, I’m assed out.  The $29 jar sits in my cabinet never to be used again.

There are so many products that I would LOVE to try and probably would love based on the reviews I see on YouTube but I will never buy them because again…it’s just too damn expensive.  And no, I’m not buying a Curlbox subscription.  That’s just another waste of my money.  Cute concept though.

The crazy thing is, “WE” are actually purchasing these products!  Yall, got it like THAT?!? HOW?!? I know I don’t.  Not for a damn hair product…that might NOT work!

*le sigh* There has to be a better solution.  Oh, I know.  How about we start by reducing the price of the products?  By reducing your prices, don’t you think you would get more new and returning customers?  I know I don’t want to make my own concoctions.  I typically don’t have the time or energy but you natural hair companies leave me no choice.

But, I digress.  My teeny, tiny rant will probably have NO impact.

*ends rant*

When Sex and the City was still show on HBO, I couldn’t relate at all.  I was in my 20’s.  I had a great(or what I thought was great) boyfriend.  It was just another very entertaining show to me.  Now that I am in my 30’s, I find that the episodes speak to my life more and more.  The only difference is that, the ladies were meeting men in clubs and bars.  Nowadays, I am meeting men from online dating sites.

Boy, has it been a journey.  Have I found love?  Hell no.  But, my journey wasn’t as bad as others.

I haven’t had a guy stand me up.  I haven’t had a guy look one way in his picture and then in person he was a raggamuffin.  I’ve never had a guy ask me for money while on the date(yes, this happened to a girlfriend of mine).  However, there was that time that a guy told me on the phone that I was a bitter, cunt, bitch.  LOL!!!! I got called that because he asked if I thought about him that day.  The question threw me off. I am an honest person so I said…”not really.” Seriously, we had only been conversing via phone for TWO days.  Sorry dude, you were not the special for me to be thinking about you during my busy work day. So yea, no.  I wasn’t thinking about you. Luckily, I never met him.  Can you imagine that loony tune in person?

Like I said, my journey hasn’t been that bad.  All of the men I have met were polite and respectful.  They professional backgrounds ranged from construction workers to teachers to a network engineer at Google.  That was a GREAT date!  I got to tour Google! That place is AH-MAZING!! Sorry, I got sidetracked. =)

Luckily, they were all attractive men. Tall, fit(except for 2), and had all their teeth. None of them had multiple kids by multiple women.  I definitely can’t complain.  I just didn’t find love with any of them.

I have since deleted my profiles on the various sites.  Just to clarify, I wasn’t on more than one site at a time.  I always tried one at a time.

Would I recommend online dating?  Absolutely!  It was a great way for me to connect with many different types of men from different areas of the Tri-State. There is no way I would have met and hung out with those types of men if it weren’t for online dating. Unfortunately yet fortunately, I didn’t find love.  And that’s fine. The experience has taught me a lot about myself and what I truly am looking for.

Now…I just need God to come through and handle the rest.

I was wrong. The way that I ended things is something that I regret. I loved you so deeply and was in so much pain that I thought the best way for me to heal was to cut you off. Sort of like ripping a bandaid off and letting the wound heal on its own. But, I should have tended to the wound. I should have called you. I should have texted you. But I just didn’t know any better.

As time went on, life began to feel normal again. I still thought about you. I wondered what life was like for you; how you were doing…but I continued to think that staying away was the best option for me. Keeping you tucked away was safe and easy. Out of sight. Out of mind. And I don’t get to relive any pain.

But seeing you brought me all the way back. Those painful, hurt, sad feelings that I tucked away and never dealt with came right back. It felt like we broke up the day before. And not being able to talk to you, makes it worse.

I thought back to the last time I saw you in 2012(ironically it was our anniversary (11/4) but I never shared that when I was with you). I wanted to tell you that I missed you, A LOT. That I wanted you back. That it was hard to go from talking to someone you love several times a day to not at all. That I wanted us to work it out but I couldn’t. Back then, I had a serious issue with communication. I didn’t know how to express my feelings. I didn’t want you to see me hurt. I wanted you to think that I was good and that our breakup didn’t affect me.

But our breakup was devastating. Similar to a death. I slipped into a slight depression. I lost weight.  I pulled away from my friends. I didn’t go out. I just went to work and came home. Nothing mattered without YOU.

Once we broke up, I did a lot of self reflecting and realized that some time during the relationship, I lost myself. I decided that I wasn’t ready to move on. So, I didn’t date anyone for over 2 years because I needed to get myself together. I needed to find me again.  I wasn’t confident anymore. I was complacent. I wasn’t doing any of the things I used to enjoy. I was so wrapped up in you that I forgot about my needs. I also realized that I forgot about your needs too. I stopped treating you the way I started treating you. Now, I know that I shouldn’t have done that. But, I acted that way because of the hurt and disappointment that I felt during different parts of our relationship.

But the problem was that… I never told you how I felt. I kept everything inside and swept most things under the rug. I never told you that the reason why I never communicated with you was out of fear of losing you. I didn’t want an argument to cause us to break up. I never told you that my mom and I had horrible communication skills while I was growing up. All we ever did was fight and I didn’t want that in our relationship. I never told you my fears. I never told you that I knew about the other women. I never told you that I found it odd that you didn’t tell me that you had a Facebook page. I never told you how much it hurt that you would untag my photos from your page. I never told you that I saw you emailing another woman while you were in the bed with me. I never told you how much it hurt that we didn’t go out like other couples did. I never told you what I needed. I expected you to know(which was wrong). I never told you that I needed you for many different things but was too afraid to ask because I didn’t want to be rejected. I never told you how much I loved spending time with you. I never told you how attracted I was to you.  I never told you how cute you look when you dance.  I never told you that I loved how affectionate you were. I never told you that you were the funniest person I knew. I never told you how lucky I was to have you. I never told you how much I loved you. I never said I love you enough.

This is all I wanted to say to you.

You will always be in my thoughts. I will always love you.

Now…you have been told.

-JE

You are living your life. You have a home, career, and car. You have every reason to be happy. Sure, you are not in a committed relationship but you are dating and you are happy with how life is progressing. Tonight, you are going out to have a good time, have some drinks, and dance with your friend. “Oh, he’s cute,” you think as a guy approaches you on your way in. “Oh yea.  It’s going to be a good night!” *ring* “Hey girl!” you say as you answer the phone as you approach the door. “Let me check your bag,” says the bouncer.  “Sure.” You hand him your bag. He gives it back. “Thanks!”  You smile.  You look up to walk into the restaurant. The first face you see is… HIM.

HIM. You have lived your life without HIM for a few years. It was VERY difficult but with God you have managed. HIM. The former love of your life. HIM. The one that you would cry about as you drove from his house to yours because you were so happy. HIM. The man you wanted to be with every second of every day.  HIM.  The one that made you smile by just looking at you.  HIM.  The one you thought you had gotten over. HIM. The one you FINALLY were able to live without. The one you were able to hide deep in one of the millions of memory files stored in your brain. HIM! You stop breathing or at least that’s what it feels like. That feeling you felt when life was great, has vanished. Your feelings are going haywire. You feel anxious, nervous, uneasy, worried.  Just plain bizarre. Why am I acting like this? Why do I feel like this?

You walk towards your friend who decided to choose a seat at the bar in front of HIS table.  “I’m going to kill you!!” reads on your face to her as you approach your seat.  Damn. You can’t even look at him. For one he’s with someone. She’s cute…professional. Good for him.  And two, it’s just weird. Wait, he’s alive? He still exists? I thought I put him in a box and shipped him to another planet 3 years ago?

Just keep walking to your seat at the bar.  Yes!  You are finally sitting. Your body literally turns to stone. Are you breathing? You can’t believe he is 20 feet from you and you can’t talk to him. It would be great to just say hello. FUCK! You can’t.  Awkward. Can you imagine walking over there?  “Hi, HIM!  Oh and hi Him’s girlfriend!”  Nah, I’ll pass.  *sigh*  If only I had booked my trip this weekend. I wouldn’t have run into him. But guess what? You are here. Just keep it together like Tilana said. Act normal. What the hell is normal right now? I am acting normal…just breathe.

Time passes, you have somehow been able to ignore the fact that HE is here. Right behind you no less.  The people you are with, are helping a lot. You hope they keep talking. You want the music to be louder so that you can zone out. *sigh* Where the hell did these feelings come from?

“I saw you and wanted to say hi.” Oh shit! HIM. He’s standing next to you. What the hell is going on? Why is my arm around his waist? Why is his arm around my waist? DAMN HE LOOKS GOOD! Breathe. “You look good.” That’s all you say to HIM. He backs away still looking at you. He turns away for a second to walk back to his seat. Then he looks again. Hmm…what was that look about? “WHY DID YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT?!?” you scream in your head. You want to yell, “Come back!” He’s gone. The moment is over. SHIT! You turn around. “Bartender give me a shot!”

So this will be my final post about England. I didn’t go to London this year…2013(I didn’t feel like being bothered with all the hustle and bustle).

Here are some random pics of my trip to London.  Enjoy!

I love taking pictures of the sky!

Westminster Abbey

Another pic of the sky!  <Thames River>

The Parliament

Another pic of the sky

Blue Man.  I don’t know how he could sit there all day, everyday.

A Castle

Christchurch Mansion(This is in Ipswich)

The opening to the Tower of London

He wouldn’t let me go.

The wizard!

Big Ben

Genean and I

The Tower of London not be confused with the London Bridge.  It was so cold that day.

She, her, me and braces!

The London Eye

Peep my braces…=)

In Felixstowe

In/On the London Eye.  Beautiful view.

Last day with Granddad

Aerial view of the Parliament

Roar!  I look so young.  I was 28!

Some statue…

St. Paul Cathedral

The streets!

Fun!

The Tower of London again.

He was so still!

The sole purpose of my trip was to spend time with my Granddad.  I was extremely surprised and pleased to meet my extended family.  Here are a few pics.

Granddad’s backyard

The neighbor’s backyard.  Beautiful flowers.

Granddad looking very English!  Church flow!

Who gardens in these type of shoes?

Granddad hoeing…lol!!!!

Rosemary.  Who knew it grew this tall?

Look who came out to help hoe.  There were TONS of them all over!

You think my Granddad has enough onions?

Pretty flowers next door.

This was THE longest worm ever!  EEEWWWWWW!!!!

Dinnertime with my cousin Daley.  What a handsome lad!

Some pics of the waterfront.

More importantly…pics of our food. Yum!

My BEAUTIFUL cousin Lyn at an AMERICAN football game.  She treated me so well!!!

The rest of the Davis family at dinner.

Cousin Sarah and I.  She’s a doll!

Me and Adam.

Daley, his wonderful Mum and Dad.  Hope I get to meet his brother next time.

Daley’s selfie…someone’s feeling themselves.

The rest of the crew…Niccola, her husband, Harry(Sarah’s husband, the tall one), Adam, Niccola’s sons.

After dinner, we went out to the courtyard to get some sun and chat some more.

The view.

The girls

Niccola having a jolly good time on the trampoline.

Niccola and Daley’s Mum.

Niccola after her jolly good time.  She fell and her leg got caught.

Fun was had by all!

Can’t wait to see them again!  They know how to have fun!

So today I decided to take a nice stroll.  My granddad lives on a very busy road.  Since I didn’t want to get lost, I decided to walk and see where it takes me.  As I started walking, I started to notice how beautiful the houses were.  Voila…

This is Norwich Road…

Here are a some of the houses I liked alot!

This is house was for sale.  I’d add some grass and of course flowers.

B.

C. This house is AMAZING!

D. Another one which was right next door!

E.

F.  Sorry it’s crooked.  I was on the bus when I took this pic.

G. Gorge!

H.

I. Cute little pink house.

Random!!  This dude was walking down the street as I was taking pictures.  Looked like the Dark Knight to me.  What you don’t see is his black eye shadow. Ow!

J.  Two houses in one pic!

K.

L.

M.  I saved the best for last!  I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED this house.  That red door is E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

Which was your favorite house?

P.S.  This is one of the hotels in Ipswich.  The Bentley Tower Hotel.

I love my dear old Granddad but a sista’s gotta get out this house! But where do I go?

I decided to go to “town.”  The last time I was here, back in 2008(shout out to Genean), I got some great buys at the ‘shops’ in town.  I was hoping I’d have the same luck.

So, that was the plan.  Go to town.  “Hmm…why not walk,” I thought. “Oh, what is it… about 15-20 minutes.  That shouldn’t be bad.”  WRONG!  It took me about 30-40 minutes.  To most, that might not seem that bad. To someone that has been sitting on her ‘bum’ all summer and hasn’t done much exercise, it was painful.

I made the most of it and decided to take pictures along the way.

For some reason this row of trees caught my eye.  Something about the way they are growing from the ground.  They’re sort of on a slant.

The tree up close.  I have no idea what that was growing on it.

Here is the ’round about’ that is so common in England.  It’s amazing to see the cars going around and through it.   I don’t understand when they know it’s their turn to go.  Notice, there is no traffic light.  

Aaahh, town…FINALLY!

Oh shoot, look what I ran into.  A beauty supply store!  It came just in time.  This weather has my hair looking rachet! This store was on point too.  They had hair oils that I haven’t been able to find in the US. 

As I walk deeper into town, I took pictures of the different ‘shops’ that I’d seen that surprised me.

Shout out to Tomeka…

Had to stop at this Jamaican Snack Shop to pick up a beef pattie.  

This isn’t a shop but it’s a beautiful church

.

China man food…in Ipswich.  I shan’t be trying that. 

Here’s one of the roundabout signs you’ll see in England.  

Can’t go anywhere without a Fried Chicken spot.

These people were loud and out of control.

So…here I am at the end of the block.  And I realized I had to get to this brown building.  Ummm…how??  There was no crosswalk.  I asked a man that was walking by.  He told me to use…  This is a tunnel I had to use to get across the street.  I understand why it’s there but I know I wouldn’t want to walk down there when it’s dark.

Brown building…

Entrance to tunnel…

Of course there’s a nail salon…

Now that I’ve reached town…first stop, Marks and Spencer.  This place reminds me of Lord and Taylor except it has a supermarket.  It had the BEST apple turnovers which is my favorite pastry.

Aaahh, Primark.  I’d heard about this store through a Vlogger on Youtube.  This place kind of reminded me of Forever 21.  I got a CUTE green (y’all know I like my bright colors) dress, a sweater and some accessories.

Then I went to the most adorable store called Accessorize.  I bought some heart earrings with the matching necklace.

I did some thrift shopping.  I got a beautiful snake skinned bag and a beach back for 6 pounds total which is $10.

So there’s lots of Casino’s in the middle of the town too which I found to be strange.

Lunch break… Where do you think I stopped?

Yep I went all the way to Ipswich, England and decided to eat McD’s.  I got a Mediterranean chicken sandwich.  It was on point too.

Final stop, T.K. Maxx.  I was spending too much money.  They had the most beautiful leather bags! I bought some shoes, a sweater and another bag.

 

 

 

 

Random pics as I walk back to the bus.

 

 

Seems so empty, right?

 

 

 

 

 

So there you have it…my shopping trip to town.  Just to give an idea of what it was like walking around.  It was extremely quiet. No loud talking at all.  The most you’d hear was kids laughing and your footsteps.  I caught the bus back to my Granddad’s house.  I was so tired!