You are living your life. You have a home, career, and car. You have every reason to be happy. Sure, you are not in a committed relationship but you are dating and you are happy with how life is progressing. Tonight, you are going out to have a good time, have some drinks, and dance with your friend. “Oh, he’s cute,” you think as a guy approaches you on your way in. “Oh yea.  It’s going to be a good night!” *ring* “Hey girl!” you say as you answer the phone as you approach the door. “Let me check your bag,” says the bouncer.  “Sure.” You hand him your bag. He gives it back. “Thanks!”  You smile.  You look up to walk into the restaurant. The first face you see is… HIM.

HIM. You have lived your life without HIM for a few years. It was VERY difficult but with God you have managed. HIM. The former love of your life. HIM. The one that you would cry about as you drove from his house to yours because you were so happy. HIM. The man you wanted to be with every second of every day.  HIM.  The one that made you smile by just looking at you.  HIM.  The one you thought you had gotten over. HIM. The one you FINALLY were able to live without. The one you were able to hide deep in one of the millions of memory files stored in your brain. HIM! You stop breathing or at least that’s what it feels like. That feeling you felt when life was great, has vanished. Your feelings are going haywire. You feel anxious, nervous, uneasy, worried.  Just plain bizarre. Why am I acting like this? Why do I feel like this?

You walk towards your friend who decided to choose a seat at the bar in front of HIS table.  “I’m going to kill you!!” reads on your face to her as you approach your seat.  Damn. You can’t even look at him. For one he’s with someone. She’s cute…professional. Good for him.  And two, it’s just weird. Wait, he’s alive? He still exists? I thought I put him in a box and shipped him to another planet 3 years ago?

Just keep walking to your seat at the bar.  Yes!  You are finally sitting. Your body literally turns to stone. Are you breathing? You can’t believe he is 20 feet from you and you can’t talk to him. It would be great to just say hello. FUCK! You can’t.  Awkward. Can you imagine walking over there?  “Hi, HIM!  Oh and hi Him’s girlfriend!”  Nah, I’ll pass.  *sigh*  If only I had booked my trip this weekend. I wouldn’t have run into him. But guess what? You are here. Just keep it together like Tilana said. Act normal. What the hell is normal right now? I am acting normal…just breathe.

Time passes, you have somehow been able to ignore the fact that HE is here. Right behind you no less.  The people you are with, are helping a lot. You hope they keep talking. You want the music to be louder so that you can zone out. *sigh* Where the hell did these feelings come from?

“I saw you and wanted to say hi.” Oh shit! HIM. He’s standing next to you. What the hell is going on? Why is my arm around his waist? Why is his arm around my waist? DAMN HE LOOKS GOOD! Breathe. “You look good.” That’s all you say to HIM. He backs away still looking at you. He turns away for a second to walk back to his seat. Then he looks again. Hmm…what was that look about? “WHY DID YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT?!?” you scream in your head. You want to yell, “Come back!” He’s gone. The moment is over. SHIT! You turn around. “Bartender give me a shot!”